Thank you, Mr. Identity Thief

A month or two ago, I got this strange package in the mail. It was an unmarked box that was addressed to me but I didn't recognize the return address. I was a little confused because I hadn't ordered anything online lately and Dave typically tells me when he buys stuff, but I opened it just in case it was something we had both forgotten about. Inside was a bottle of Lipoplex, some weight loss drug. There was no paper, no packing slip, nothing else. It was just this bottle.

Um, yeah. How many of you would take pills from an unknown source that just showed up at your doorstep one day? Anyone? Me neither. Pretty confident that Dave wouldn't order me diet pills (he's so smart), they went right into the trash. I told Dave about it and he had no idea who would've sent them. We chalked it up to some freaky mail thing and didn't think much more about it.

A few days later, I got another package in the mail, but this time it was marked. It was 4 bags of coffee from Boca Java. I've heard of Boca Java before and I knew they weren't the type of company to just randomly send out bags of coffee to unsuspecting folk, so I started to think something bigger was going on. When I opened the package, the packing slip had my name and mailing address on it, but some bogus e-mail address. Plus it said my credit card had been charged.

Um, what? Before the packing slip hit the counter, I was down on the computer to check my credit card statement. Sure enough, my card had been hit with all of these weird amounts. The Boca Java charge was the most expensive at $15.95, but all total, I had 9 charges totaling about $45. Someone had managed to steal our credit card number, even thought the cards were still in Dave's and my wallet. Considering the damage that could have been done, we got off lucky. The idiot that took our card out for a joy ride signed us (well, me) up for a bunch of introductory offers ("don't pay another penny until we start charging you $60 a month unknowingly. What a deal!"), and I subsequently got 7 more packages in the mail over the next several days.

Everything was straightened out with each of the companies and the credit card people, and this story really does have a happy ending. You wanna know why?

Oh my God, the coffee. One of the bags was Surfing Safari whose bag reads "Hang ten with our most popular flavored coffee. An exotic blend of sweet vanilla, rich caramel and tantalizing kahlua. This coffee creates an amazing splash of flavor!" Did you catch that? Vanilla, Caramel, and Kahlua all together in one drink. Shut up. This is some of the best coffee I've ever had, folks. Hands down.

So the moral of the story is, if anyone steals my credit card number again, I'm going to hope and wish and pray that they have the good sense to at least send me some coffee. Yeah, that would be swell...