My kingdom for a doorknob

I installed a doorknob today. All by myself. Go me! Here are some tips and things I learned along the way:

1. Gather all your tools before you start (in this case, a screwdriver set, a hammer, a new doorknob, and a copy of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice)


2. Don't wear your favorite Phil Collins shirt, just in case the job gets messy.


3. If you are installing the doorknob in a bathroom, fill the sink with water to give your 2 year old daughter something to do.


4. Small screwdriver bits are hard to see once they've been dumped in the toilet.


5. When the instructions say "Use a wood block between the latch and the hammer, lightly hammer latch into place", go find a piece of wood. Evidently Pride and Prejudice didn't do the job I thought it would.


6. Once the latch is in place, DO NOT SHUT THE DOOR until the doorknob is on.


7. If you do shut the door (thereby locking yourself and your soaked 2 year old daughter into the bathroom), don't panic. You'll figure something out.


8. Until you figure something out, don't forget that you brought a book with you! Sneak in a few pages of reading. You're not going anywhere!


9. Pins in door hinges are a bugger to get out sometimes.


10. Despite your will and desire for the door to come off after you nearly broke your arm trying to get the pins out, there is, in fact, still no hinge mechanism on the door so your "solution" turns out to be a dud.


11. Thankfully, pins are much easier to put back in. Just try not to dent the door. Or your thumb.


12. When in doubt, break the whole latch mechanism to free yourself and your unbelievably content and "helpful" daughter (why in the heck can't she be this calm and focused when she has the whole house to play in???)


13. Get another doorknob and start over, reminding yourself that mistakes are a good thing. How else would you know what NOT to do?


14. A sink full of water and a frantic mommy can keep a young girl entertained for an hour or more.


15. Step back and admire your handywork, knowing that your daughter can no longer get to the toilet or the sink that kept her entertained so.