Thursday, April 5, 2007

Trying to figure it out

So, today has not been a good day. Well, I can't even say that. The morning was great (no timeouts for Jake), I got a lot of errands run (minimal screaming from Emma) and I wasn't late picking Jake up from preschool. I was planning on running through the drive-thru to get chicken and french fries, but Jake said he didn't want that, he just wanted to go home. I asked him if he was sure and he said "I don't want chicken and french fries. I want you to turn left instead." Turning left is the way home. So I turned left and we went home.

I didn't even have the car pulled into the garage yet and Jake said he wanted chicken and french fries. I knew it. I should have seen it coming. But I reminded him that he said he didn't want that and I was not going to go back out. And then all hell broke loose. I tried to get him calmed down, but there was no consoling him. So I told him he had to go to his room, and then the screaming started. On the way to his room, he bit me and grabbed my face and I spanked his bottom. Once in his room, the chaos continued and he started kicking and hitting. I took him to the bathroom and he tried to bite me again. So I spanked him again. And no, I did not intend to leave a handprint, but that's what happened. And now I can't go back.

After he had been in his room for a little while, I went in to see him and just started to cry. I apologized to him but he won't forget that I spanked him, just like I won't forget that he bit, kicked, and hit me. How do we move past this? I ask myself that question everyday and I have yet to find an answer.

My side of the family has a history of depression. After episodes like this, I begin to wonder if I am missing the warning signs in myself and if some of the condition has been passed on to Jake. He gets so violent and I don't know why. "They" say that kids exhibit behavior that they are exposed to. Am I that violent and just not realize it? Is all of this just part of "growing up" and I'm just not dealing with it well? Do other kids have the same problems and I'm just exaggerating the problem in my own head?

I'm so tired of the questions. Sometimes it would be nice to just have answers.

2 reviews:

Beth said...

Oh, Thea, you both just had some difficult moments together. Those moments are so hard to shake, but you will. It will get better. The most important thing is that you did not go back to McDonald's.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. :-)

marycelery said...

Thea

I have never posted before, but feel compelled to share my solution to nearly identical problem. My boy is now 9, but in preschool we would have IDENTICAL issues, he and I.

This is what makes it better for us - it doesn't eliminate all of these "outbursts." First, my son must have protein for breakfast. We tried everything and settled on Jimmy Dean Sausage, or eggs with lots of cheddar cheese, or 1/2 brunswagger sandwich. Peanut and jelly would provoke a meltdown before lunch.

After protein, my son is able to eat anything else without problems later. So, the bowl of cereal or oatmeal would be fine after the protein.

Then, as I picked him up from preschool, I gave him food. I didn't ever comment (it set him off), but simply handed the "snack of the day." I keep a couple of things in my car - CheeseIts, cashews, just in case I forget. If I had time, I gave him 1/2 an apple (cut up and skinned), grapes, sometimes cheese or yogurt. I give him the snack in a small baggie, without comment and he has always eaten it without comment.

I know this seems food centric, but it worked. I think it worked because my son doesn't feel hungry when his blood sugar tanks. He just gets ballistic!!

Now at 9, he can use his words to say he thinks he is hungry, or that he feels overwhelmed (a sign of low blood sugar).

It sounds like yesterday was so hard. Parenting is such a puzzle. I hope you have a better day.sappho2